Posted here without any sort of permission

Today, much to my...what's the opposite of chagrin? Delight? Much to my delight, I opened today's Tufts Daily to see an angry, hilarious, and all-around outrageous op-ed written about yours truly and my column. It's posted below, in its entirety. Enjoy.

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How’s this for offensive?
Will Nichols

Published: Tuesday, March 3, 2009

This is now the fourth week in a row that I’ve read Will Ehrenfeld’s column, “Stuff Tufts People Like.” Coincidentally, this is also the fourth week in a row that I’ve been wholly unimpressed and vaguely annoyed with said column. Last week, his topic of choice for stuff that Tufts people like was “Getting offended too easily.”

As a decidedly cynical fellow, I was satisfied to see that the Daily had picked up a weekly column that pokes fun at the sometimes overly reactionary culture that exists here at Tufts. I was also pleased to see that the column’s author had taken a cue from StuffWhitePeopleLike.com, the very funny blog that highlights some of the more comical aspects of white culture (i.e., adopting markedly non-white children from war-torn nations and giving them names like Pomegranate, Biloxi or Kanye). But I was soon aggravated to learn that in trying to copy the well-known humor blog’s style, Mr. Ehrenfeld had tragically omitted one key component: humor. Mr. Ehrenfeld has effectively taken the “humor” out of “humor column” with this poorly written attempt at cynicism.

So, Mr. Ehrenfeld, please consider this my answer to your call for readers to write an “indignant op-ed in the Daily.” I have a sneaking suspicion, however, that this is not quite the sort of indignation you hoped to stir up. No, I’m not offended by your (unfunny) attacks on the Jumbo Janitor Alliance or by your disdain for “self-righteous liberals” on campus. Instead, sir, I am offended by the tragic lack of humor in your humor column. (It is supposed to be funny, right?) I am offended by the glaring shortage of witty cynicism in your wannabe-subversive weekly piece. Are we also suffering from a humor recession? Your words have as much bite as my grandmother when she spits out her dentures. Your topics are as bland as a stale matzo cracker. Your “inflammatory” accusations are softer than a pudgy ZBT brother. I know you’d like to think otherwise, but your column is offensive only in its mediocrity.

To your credit, however, you did hit the nail on the head in your most recent column. I, as an overly sensitive member of the Tufts community, am highly offended by your excruciatingly uninteresting writing. You asked, “What will happen if I start saying truly inflammatory things?” I’m more curious to see what will happen if you start saying truly interesting things. If you’re aiming for “truly inflammatory,” I’d advise you to take a page from Daily sex columnist Logan Crane’s playbook and write a piece about queefing noisily while engaging in public intercourse on the Joey. Until then, I’m not entertained.

I respond to your call for an “indignant op-ed” with another challenge: Try to make me laugh with your next column. Write something truly cynical — and funny! — and stop giving cynics everywhere a bad name. If that doesn’t work out, you might consider enrolling in a freshman writing seminar; I think there’s one called “Humor for the Non-Humorist.” And if that still doesn’t pan out for you, I’d suggest making amends with whomever you offended at the Jumbo Janitor Alliance. Maybe they’ll hire you to write their press releases; that probably won’t require humor.